When you know, you know

I've written so many posts on what we should avoid, what is good, what is bad, etc, etc.  I have yet to write about how you know you've found a keeper.  Well, just as the title says: when you know, you know.

Obviously this doesn't make sense to any of us that don't know!  But talk to any happily together couple and that's exactly what they will say.  There was no doubt in either person's mind that the other person was someone that they want to spend time with, grow with, and simply enjoy being near.  It is evident in the way he or she talk about and act around the other that their connection is deep.

Deep connections aren't found everywhere though.  If they were then they wouldn't be special!  Deep connections are formed when two people with the same morals and life directions find one another and decide to make a life together.  They are not formed through a purely sexual relationship, I don't care how special, crazy, romantic, or exciting the sex may be.  Nor are deep connections formed between people that are together simply because it's easier than being together than being alone.  That's the fast lane to Sadtown (a world away from Happyville).  And there is no talking yourself into a deep connection.  If it doesn't surprise and jump out at you, then it's probably not there.  One day it might appear, but not if you're sitting around trying to coax it out of its shell.

So it all boils down to when you know, you know.

Dinner Date Etiquette

I was browsing around on Shine! by Yahoo! for some inspiration for this post today and found a great article.  It is written by a former waitress and is a compilation of things she noticed at work.  All of this is explained in her post though.

Basically I took my birthday off (today!!) and let someone else share her wisdom :-)

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/dating-tips-i-learned-from-being-a-waitress-2496517/;_ylt=AsT23aphCHaztkM2zgNRqBpabqU5

Signs that show he's into you

Hey ladies, this one is definitely for you.  I've spent so much time pointing out signs showing that a guy is not into you, but I haven't really pointed out good signs!  These signs will be the ones that make your heart flutter a bit from the excitement of knowing someone likes you.  And everyone loves that feeling.  Before I start, I will honestly say an online Cosmo article inspired this one.  The only reason I considered it as a source is because of the author, Jake Hurwitz.  He works for collegehumor.com and is absolutely hilarious.  But the thing I like most about his article (here) is that he is very straight forward and to the point.  He is funny yet direct in his discussion of the 4 signs he talks about.  And if we're going to believe anyone, I'd say it better be a straight man that actually tries to show women when he is interested.

1. He initiates a phone/text convo between lunch and dinner.  Before lunch is a little weird.  This guy should be at work, in class, sleeping, or something else.  But around lunch time and before dinner is the interested window.  He's genuinely interested in chatting and its nowhere near being late enough to be considered a booty call/text.

2. He tries to get to know your friends.  If he puts in the effort to befriend the girls, he definitely likes you.  Boys aren't that dumb, they know our friends are very important people.  And they know getting along with them is usually a requirement in a happy relationship.  But run the other way if he's trying to befriend them in dark corners at the club or from inside his bedroom.  That, my friend, is actually a bad sign.

3. He wants to hang out in person.  Uh this one is pretty obvious, but I'm still mentioning it.  He wants to take you to lunch, he wants to try something new with you,  he just wants to be around you.  Yeah, that's definitely a sign that he is into you.

4. He maintains eye contact.  This can tell you so much!  What are his eyes looking at?  Are they fixated on yours?  Or are they wandering to some part of your body, or worse, the waitress standing by the next table?  If he can effortlessly maintain your gaze while either of you are speaking, then he is into you.  It shows how comfortable he feels around you.  However, if you get that creepy vibe at all, ew, walk away ladies.

5. He makes physical contact.  If he has bumped into you or accidentally touched your leg or arm more than twice throughout the night, thats a sure sign.  He is putting himself so close to you that you two are literally running into one another.  Clearly he wants to be near you, and usually we want to be near people that we like.

Hopefully these help you out a bit.  I was researching different articles the whole time I was writing this and I found another good one here.  These signs are pretty clear, but just like this second article advises, be honest with yourself when trying to read them.  Just don't tell the boys you know their secrets now.  Most of them don't realize they do it...

Second Chances

Everyone's opinion differs when it comes to second chances or redating an ex.  I have yet to see a successful relationship result out of people redating their exes.  I'll explain where the problems arise.

Usually the exes that decide to rekindle the flame hardly gave it enough time to actually burn out.  And anyone who's been through a breakup knows that it takes a long time for the smoke to clear.  Jumping back into the relationship within a couple of months will eventually bring about the same result.  No one has changed enough to bring anything new to the relationship.  So, if you're dating the same person with the same characteristics (the same annoying habits, the same bad manners, the same everything) then how will it be any different than before?

Lonlieness alone is not the same thing as love together.  We all see people get back together because they are too scared to be single.  They hate the feeling of being alone.  Well, hating loneliness will not substitute for a bad relationship.  The fact is that you probably feel incomplete for some reason and are looking for fulfillment in someone else.  Instead of suffering with your ex, take some time to figure out why you're unhappy.  Rediscover yourself and because a well rounded and happy person that will attract other well rounded and happy people.

I do think it is possible to give an ex a second chance and it work out the second time around.  It just needs to be treated like an entirely new relationship.  A significant amount of time must have passed, and each person should be different in some way.  I don't mean physically, I mean a part of each person's character and personality must have changed.  Like I said, dating the same person will eventually lead to the same result.  So, if you do decide to try again, proceed with caution.  And if it doesn't work, don't dare go for a third try.  It's not a baseball game, you don't need three strikes to get out.